Summer of 1998. I was introduced to Chess and English, by an
NRI neighbor, during his summer vacation. Little did I know then that these two
would play a major role in shaping my life.
This language, a necessary tool in the modern world, has
already proved to have been a great investment. Be it pleasurable interactions
or unforgettable phrases from immortal writers, it has shaped me in ways that I
both love and sometimes fear. Why fear, one might ask. The answer to that is
very simple. This ever-changing tool, much different and much more universal
than my native tongue, opened up dreams of a bigger world. It brought about the
realization that I am one tiny entity trying to survive in a world full of
locusts.
But this fear of being overwhelmed helped me constantly
strive to learn more and more. It helped me replace ignorance with
understanding and ultimately, fear with acceptance.
Why though, is it pertinent to talk about the impact of a
language in my life? Is it not universal that languages do impact each and
everyone’s life? Is it not obvious that languages help with communication and
expression? Then why does it get a place of importance over other things in my
life?
The truth is that, as much verbally expressive as I’d love
to be, social interactions are always trying. As an introvert I despise that
humans are reliant on social interactions to further their cause, their lives
and their survival. Expressiveness, thankfully, doesn’t have always have to be
verbal. And as we have witnessed in the last decade, written communication,
albeit in a digital form, has become predominant. And with it, the opportunities
to express oneself, however shy or introverted they are in person, have
increased significantly.
Just communicating a language however, does not guarantee
proper communication. Articulation is the most important aspect of any
language. While I could articulate sentences rather well in my native tongue it
was second nature to me before I could even begin to truly understand the art
of learning a language. That’s where learning English and trying to communicate
perfectly, led me to realize how wonderful a science articulation is.
And then one fine day, it struck me how similar to a game of
chess, articulation is. Different ways to move with different outcomes. A loose
move could cost a life while a clever one could win you the throne. Thinking on
a macro level, I realized that life, like articulation, resembles a game of
chess. Every move we make counts. And every folly costs.
Perhaps, my younger self did not realize the importance of
revelation. Perhaps, I was too immature to fathom the sheer power of the
decision I took back then. To live my life the way I would play a game of
chess.
Chess has fascinated me since the day I learnt it. Check
mating an opponent after a well-played game is exhilarating. However, I have
honestly never striven to win the board game. To me, the board game is only a
means to pass time. To live it though, is addicting.
Life has always been a lie for me. It has been a constant
deception. Hiding behind a mask is fine for a day or two. Or even a few weeks
at the most. But to do that for years together. That is daunting. Roughly a
decade ago, I began realizing that life had played a cruel joke on me. It had
made sure that I would have to fight tooth and nail to live as myself.
In a world filled with people who take their identities for
granted, here I am, fighting to live as myself. The journey has just reached
the midway point and I can tell you with full conviction that my life is a game
of chess. I am the king, I am the queen, I am my own subjects, and my identity
is the throne.
A leap here, a parry there, with a bunch of necessary
sacrifices this game is being played. With utmost patience. Gradually, the
opponent, the mask that birth cursed me with, is losing ground. Gradually, but
surely, he is being routed. Blow after elegant blow, until, in the near future,
I shall tear him down and take my life as my throne.
But will the end of this battle signify the end of an era in
my life? Would it mean that my life would stop being a game of chess?
No. A few decades hence, when I introspect, I would
still believe it to be an ongoing and a never-ending game. Victories, that I considered
significant in the past, would seem to be a small part of a bigger game at any
given point of time. Moves that I make today would have repercussions in
someone else’s game of chess even after I am gone.
After all, we are all but unwilling pawns in this universal
game of chess.
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It has been almost 20 months since i last wrote anything in this blog. To say that i have lacked time, would be a blatant lie. The truth is that i lacked inspiration and ideas. And possibly, the discipline to just sit down and start writing. Nevertheless, here is something that i just wrote based on my thoughts. Hope I do not bore you with this first-person narrative.
P.S- Anjali Ravichandran, if you are reading this, do contact me or Sanjana.
