I don’t remember how I returned home. Everything was a haze
and I was in such a pathetic state of mind that I took sick leave and lay about
in my apartment for the next week. Time flew by and even Sneha tried to contact
me many times, but I kept ignoring her hoping that she’d stop. The next Monday,
when I went back to the office, I had made up my mind and had decided that I’d
avoid her at all costs as the magnitude of her deception was appalling, to say
the least.
This went on for a couple of weeks until she finally trapped
me to a corner and tried pressing her point home, with a lot of tears and
melodrama. I was in half a mind to grab that woman and hug her for eternity,
but the saner half told me to be cautious and reminded me of her secret. I
shouted out in exasperation and asked her to leave me alone. She left crying
and my heart was broken completely.
That was the last I heard from her. A couple of months later,
on a fine Tuesday morning, I got a call from the GH and was told that Sneha had
met with an accident and that she was in ICU and had had only my number as next
of kin in her handbag. For a moment I was shell shocked and then I calmed down
and rushed to the GH. She had been hit by a truck when trying to cross the road
and those bastards had sped off from the scene as soon as they realized what
they had done.
I waited for a couple of hours outside the ICU and was told
that she’d been saved and although the injuries were severe and she’d not be
able to walk for the next 6 months, there were no lasting injuries. I heaved a
huge sigh of relief and started crying. Then by 3 pm her phone rang and when I
picked it up, I heard a lady telling me that rohit was ready to go and that I
should pick him up soon. It took me a moment to grasp the fact that sneha’s son
was named rohit and that the caretaker had actually called up to remind her to
pick him up whilst returning home. I told the lady the situation and asked for
the boy to be handed over to me as they had no one and I was her fiancé. When I
went to fetch him, I saw his face fully for the first time and found how
strikingly similar to his mom he is. For a 4 year old kid, he was rather small
and was very observant of his surroundings. Throughout our return journey, I kept
trying to engage him in different ways but he just wouldn’t budge and kept
asking for his mother. When we reached the hospital, it was too late for
visiting her and the doctors suggested that we return the next day to meet her.
My hard work at the office had made sure that I had already
been promoted thrice within such a short time and I had the ears of every
officer that I needed to convince to make sure I could accommodate taking care
of them both as well as carry on with my work. We worked it out such that I
could work from home the whole time. I thanked them profusely and left to meet
Sneha. She was still unconscious, but looking at her made my resolve even
stronger than before to help her through this. Even then I couldn’t think of
continuing with our marriage and thought I’d just stay friends with her after
this ordeal.
***************
The next day I woke
up to Rohit’s inhumanly bawls. The last night I had somehow convinced him to go
to sleep, but today he seemed to be in a vindictive mood and did not care for
my calming words. He wanted his mother and he’d not settle for any bribe offered
to him. I had to take him to the hospital and leave him with the nurses so I
could see if Sneha was conscious. The doctor informed me that she’d gained
consciousness in the wee hours of the morning and then had gone back to sleep.
When I reached her room she was looking like an Egyptian mummy and only her
eyes gave any indication that she even was awake.
“What happened Sneha? Why do you keep finding ways to kill
me? I was crushed yet again yesterday, when I heard the news. And you don’t
need to worry about rohit. He’s safe with me. His caretaker had called
yesterday and I told her the situation and took him under my custody.”
A single tear was her only reply. I forced myself not to
break down as I wanted to make her feel stronger.
“I have taken permission to work from home for the next six
months, Sneha. I plan to take care of both of you. But I want you to know that,
although I do love you, nothing between us has changed.” With that I left the
room.
I dropped off rohit in the preschool and told the teacher
what had happened and that I will come to pick him up after school and that he
needn’t be sent to the daycare.
“But he’s never been around any man till now. How will you
manage rohit at all? He starts crying even when the school watchman comes to
take him and hand him over to the daycare. He needs a woman to be around him
constantly and even does not mingle with the other boys in the class. I have
complained to his mother about this before too but she seems not to care much
about it.” With that she went back to the class and I could see from the window
that rohit was sitting with a couple of girls and seemed finally happy.
I went back to my house, took all the necessary items and
packed it in my car. My mind was completely distracted throughout the time as I
was thinking of how to handle not only my job, but also a four year old kid and
his bedridden mother. I knew I had to do this as she’d, whilst desperately
trying to get back into talking terms, had told me that she has been estranged
from her family ever since she decided to have the baby and had been working
part time to support herself and rohit, even when she was doing her B.Com. It
made me admire her and love her even more, but still a major part of me hated
her for her deception.
I went into her house, set my stuff up at a corner of her
room and then started with preparing lunch and cleaning the house. I myself
lived alone and was proficient enough with all these household chores. My
mother had taught me all these earlier, and I was so eager about it, as I felt
my feminine side come up to the fore whenever I was doing these chores. Sneha
was still on drips and was not to be fed anything solid, so I had made some
fruit juice for her and took it to the hospital. The nurses had cleaned her up
while I was gone and she was propped up on her bed and was watching television.
I went and stood near her and waited for her to realize that I was nearby. She
feebly moved her bandaged right hand and indicated me to sit near her. The
effect of the sedatives had finally worn of and she seemed to be experiencing a
lot of pain.
“Thanks for what you are doing, Arun.” She whispered. ”I
don’t deserve your attention at all, after what I’ve done to you. I should have
told you everything earlier.”
“Stop talking Sneha. You’ve been through a lot and seem to
be in immense pain, so we can talk about all this later. Now open your mouth
slowly. I’ve brought you some juice for lunch.”
I fed her in silence and then told her that I’d be leaving
as I had to pick up Rohit from school. On the way out, I met the duty doctor
and asked him as to how Sneha’s condition was.
“She has fractures in her left hand, a couple of her ribs
and a ligament tear in her right knee. Luckily she didn’t hurt her head much,
although there was a big gash on her forehead and I’ve stitched that up too.
She’ll have to be under complete bed rest for the next 3 months and then she
should undergo physiotherapy for three months after that.”
“And when can I take her home, doctor?”
“There are still a few more tests that we need to do. So I
suppose she can be discharged after 11 days.”
After asking a few more questions about how she should be
handled and what her diet needs to contain, I left to pick up Rohit. At the
school he hid behind his teacher and refused to come with me. It took his
teacher and me, half an hour to convince him that I meant no harm and that he
should go home with me. We reached home and I changed his uniform, and turned
on the TV and left to get him his lunch. Throughout the time I fed him, I kept
trying to talk to him and all I got were monosyllable replies. Then I put him
to sleep and went to finish up my office work.
Rohit woke up around 6 o’ clock and I gave him milk and some
biscuits and then went to pack some dinner for his mother. We reached the
hospital and I went up to give Sneha her dinner and was told by her that she
was feeling better. She requested to meet Rohit and I refused, saying that it
would be better if she does not meet him until the hospital discharges her. She
agreed to it reluctantly and told me that her son is all that she has left and
is very grateful to me for doing this. I told her to stop talking about it and
instead we discussed about the day’s affairs for some more time till I left for
the night. I also handed over her cell phone to her and told her to expect my
calls on a regular basis to check up on her and also for her to keep in touch
with Rohit, as he was under the impression that his mother had gone on an official
trip.
This routine continued till the weekend arrived. On Saturday
morning I let Rohit sleep longer than usual and went to buy groceries for the
next month. On returning I called up Sneha and asked her as to what to bring
for lunch. Then I started my daily routine and suddenly, I heard Rohit crying
in a loud voice. I went to the bedroom and picked him up and started cuddling
him and tried to calm him down. He stopped crying and started asking for his
mother. When I called her number, a nurse attended the call and told me that
she had been taken for some scans and she’d be back only after three hours or
so.
I tried telling Rohit that his mother is busy, but he’d have
none of it. He wanted to see his mother and would not listen to me at all. He
started throwing a tantrum and it took every ounce of patience I had, to get
ahold of him and tell him that his mother cannot come home for a week and ask
him what else he wanted.
“I don’t like you. I want my mother now. I hate you. Where
is my mother?” he screamed. Not knowing what to do, I called up his teacher. I
explained what was happening and asked for her to speak to him. He shouted a
lot over the phone too and threw it away. I was now really agitated and when I
picked up my phone and spoke to the teacher again she said that there might be
a way.
“I know Rohit very well and can calm him down easily, but I
am not available today. However, I know that the presence of a woman around him
calms him down a lot and I suggest you let him spend some time with a lady friend
or neighbor.” With that she hung up the phone.
I tried calling up the land lady, but she had gone on a trip
for the weekend and I didn’t know anyone else in the area and other women I
knew and trusted, lived in the other end of the city. I started walking without
paying any heed to where I was going and suddenly found myself opposite the
wardrobe. An idea hit me and I thought, why not, and opened the wardrobe. After
going over its contents for some time, I found everything I’d need and then
slowly laid them out.
It was lucky that Sneha was just a couple of inches shorter
than me and had a similar size and shape to that of mine. I hesitated, questioning
of the wisdom of what I was about to do, and then started removing my clothes
till I stood wearing only my boxers. I then took the salwar bottom and started
sliding it up my legs. The feel of the silk hit my senses very hard and my
knees suddenly felt weak, as though they could not support my weight anymore. I
tied the holding thread tightly and then picked up the salwar. It was a simple
one with flowery designs and when I slid it down my torso, I was completely
lost in its body hugging hold and when I looked down, I was making such a big
tent on the bottoms. I ignored it and wore a wig to complete the look. To cap
it all off, I sprayed Sneha’s favorite perfume all over myself. This was the
first time I’d ever worn any article of feminine clothing and I reveled in its
effect. The feminine feelings that I had suppressed for all these years burst
out like a volcano and I became slave to it. At that moment I knew, I had
missed something so precious for all these years and vowed to make up to it. I
admired myself in the mirror and was brought back to the present only after I
heard Rohit’s cries. Slowly I walked towards him and picked him up from behind,
turned him over and made him face me. He suddenly stopped crying and hugged me tightly.
“Don’t leave me, mommy. Don’t leave me.” He kept saying in a
muffled voice.
We stood there for some time and I kept rocking him in my
arms. I then put him down and gave him something to play with while I put
together some lunch for Sneha and us. Throughout the lunch he refused to get
down from my lap and needless to say, I began enjoying the smothering love.
Then I put him to sleep, changed back into my clothes and left to give Sneha
her lunch.
She seemed to notice that something in me had changed and
asked me as to why I was in such a joyous mood and I just replied that I had
finally gotten Rohit to like me. She became happy too and didn’t question me
further, much to my relief. We chatted for some time after she’d eaten and then
I left for her residence.
*******************
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